Welcome to Sunday Night Heatz!!1 I’m Gorilla Tim Hoss, and with me, he is smarter than a fifth grader, Jesse King!
Gorilla, tonight a new era begins on Heatz!!1!
You may be right Jess! Tonight, the new Heatz!!1 Champion, “Champagne“ Jay Carroll will be in action, taking on Skitzo!
We‘ll see a veteran of the game, The General, take on rookie sensation CageKing!
”Evil La Parka“ will battle Buck Futter!
And to start us off, we have The Pushkilla taking on The Headbanger Man!
The Pushkilla has been making waves lately, accepting open challenges put down by various Superstars. We saw him come up short at Botch at the Beach, but with his impressive performance, you have to believe he’ll bounce back quickly!
Earlier today, The Headbanger Man had this to say about his match with The Pushkilla!
I can't help but feel as if people are starting to forget that I exist around here. Sure, I said I was gonna win the Hardcore Title and that didn't happen, but to not even be booked at the last PPV after some the stellar displays I've given is a joke. So tonight, it all starts again for The Headbanger Man. Pushkilla, you seem to be issuing and accepting a lot of challenges lately. You've got guts, and I admire that. But tonight, I'm afraid that I'm going to prove to you and everybody else that I won't be ignored. Its gonna be lights out and exit stage left for anybody who gets in my way, starting right here!
Let’s take it to Michael Muffer!
The Headbanger Man V. The Pushkilla
This contest is scheduled for one fall!
(Wild Child)
Introducing first, from Kent in England, weighing 263 pounds...THE HEADBANGER MAN!
(Supernaut)
And his opponent, from The First State, weighing 245 pounds...PUSHKILLA!
- Headbanger talks smack to Pushkilla, and then turns to the crowd to air drum, but Pushkilla attacks him from behind with clubbing blows. Pushkilla hits a couple of clotheslines and a body slam, before Headbanger rolls out of the ring to regroup. Pushkilla meets him on the outside and delivers a European uppercut, but Headbanger reverses an Irish whip and sends Pushkilla into the steel steps knee first.
- Headbanger drops Pushkilla over the barricade and unloads with a barrage of right hands, before rolling his opponent back into the ring. Headbanger Man hits a belly to back suplex, and then starts to work on the leg of Pushkilla that had hit the steps earlier. Headbanger works over the leg using the ring rope for leverage, before locking in a half Boston crab.
- Eventually, Pushkilla reaches the ropes. Headbanger complains to the referee, but as he walks back, Pushkilla trips him, and Headbanger hits the middle rope neck first. Pushkilla hits a release belly to belly for a quick 2 count. He resumes the attack with a series of elbows to his downed opponent, and then hits a sick Buzzsaw kick to the back of the head for a very close near-fall.
- Pushkilla tries to lock in the Rings of Saturn submission, but Headbanger scrambles to the ropes, and screams out for Pushkilla to let him go. Pushkilla drags him back towards the centre of the ring and hits more elbow strikes. He attempts the Dragon Clutch, but again Headbanger barely gets himself to the ropes to break the hold. Pushkilla throws Headbanger into the turnbuckles and nails a facewash in the corner for another near-fall. Frustrated, Pushkilla goes to the top rope, but misses with an elbow drop.
- Headbanger gingerly gets to his feet, and takes Pushkilla down with a chopblock. He drives his elbow into the knee joint, and then hits a piledriver for 2. Headbanger goes for an alley-oop powerbomb, but Pushkilla escapes and lands a bridging German suplex for 2. Headbanger gets up and hits a clothesline before Pushkilla can capitalise. He goes up to the top rope and waits for Pushkilla to get up, but he misses with the Blockbuster, and lands hard onto the canvas below.
- Pushkilla hits more European uppercuts, dodges a wild swing from Headbanger, and applies the Tazmission. However, Headbanger delivers a low kick which the referee doesn't see. Headbanger goes for the Double Time DDT, but Pushkilla gets out of it. He then misses with a Lariato attempt, and Headbanger Man rolls him up while holding the tights for a 3 count.
Here is your winner...THE HEADBANGER MAN!
- Headbanger quickly scrambles out of the ring and celebrates as Pushkilla looks on, furiously admonishing the referee.
Now c’mon! Pushkilla should’ve had that won!
Calm down Gorilla! Sometimes you win some, and sometimes, you lose some. It’s name of the game!
But Headbanger Man clearly had a handful of Pushkilla’s tights!
Doesn’t matter if you saw it, I saw it, or the fans saw it. If the ref doesn’t see it, then it doesn’t count!
Well, anyway. Up next, CageKing takes on The General of the Monkey Army!
The General of the Monkey Army V. CageKing
The following contest is set for one fall, with a 15 minute time limit!
*King Kong 2004*
Introducing first, from Lansing, Michigan, weighing in at 225 pounds, The General of the Monkey Army!
*CageKing walks out to the ring, rapping an original piece*
And his opponent, from Los Angles, California, weighing in at 295 pounds, CageKing!
The General get’s in CageKing’s face, shouting at him and calling him a maggot. He then slaps CageKing, and turns to salute the crowd, which responds with boos. The General turns back to CageKing, who unloads with a flurry of punches, forcing the General to roll to the outside. CageKing follows, and the two fight on the floor, as the ref begins his count.
1!
2!
CageKing rams the General’s head into the crowd control barrier and then slams him on the arena floor.
3!
4!
5!
CageKing tries to toss the General back in the ring, but The General jabs his thumb in the CageKing’s eye and heads up the ramp.
6!
7!
CageKing shakes off the eye poke and returns to the ring.
8!
9!
10!
The winner of this match, as the result of a countout, CageKing!
CageKing has his arm raised, but he doesn’t look happy.
That is not the way CageKing wanted to win this one, Jess.
Y’know, I usually say take ‘em how you can get ‘em. But in this case, I’m sure CageKing wanted to beat him clean in the middle of the ring.
After that slap, CageKing went into a rage. The General, rather than stay and fight, decided to head for the hills, taking a countout loss.
I’m sure we’ll see a rematch in the future between these two, Gorilla.
I agree, Jess! Up next, folks. “Evil La Parka” battles Buck Futter!
Buck Futter V. “Evil La Parka“
The following contest is scheduled for one fall, with a 15 minute time limit!
*La Parka’s theme*
Introducing first, from Mexico City, Mexico, weighing in at 225 pounds, “Evil La Parka”!
*Walker Texas Ranger theme*
And his opponent, from Dallas, Texas, by way of Tampa, Florida, weighing in at 265 pounds, Buck Futter!
The two start with a lockup, which Buck transitions into a side headlock. La Parka counters out of it and into a hammerlock. Buck get’s out with a leg sweep, and goes for a clothesline, which La Parka ducks. Buck turns to face La Parka, and is met with a dropkick. La Parka whips Buck into the ropes, and catches him with a belly to belly suplex. Cover.
1
2
Kickout.
Parka drops an elbow on Buck, but Buck rolls out of the way. La Parka goes for a second elbow, but Buck rolls out of the way again. Parka goes to pick Buck up, but is rolled up in a small package.
1!
2!
Kickout!
Buck tackles La Parka to the mat, and lays into him with punches and forearms. Buck leaps up and drops an elbow across Parka’s sternum, and covers him.
1
2
Kickout!
Buck pulls Parka up and goes for a suplex, but Parka blocks it, and hit’s a cradle DDT! Cover!
1!
2!
Kickout!
Parka stomps Buck, and then climbs to the top rope and hit’s the X-Ray! Cover!
1!
2!
3!
Here is your winner, “Evil La Parka”!
La Parka grabs his chair and takes a couple shots at Buck before tossing him to the outside. Parka stands on the chair and dances, as the crowd rains down with boos.
Well, La Parka picks up the win, but didn’t earn himself too many popularity points.
Being popular doesn’t win you matches, Gorilla! La Parka’s doing all the right things.
Well in any case, up next is our main event, the new WWCF Heatz!!1 Champion, “Champagne” Jay Carroll, takes on Skitzo!
Skitzo V. “Champagne“ Jay Carroll
The following non-title contest is set for one fall, with a 20 minute time limit!
*Dogfight*
Introducing first. From Cork, Ireland, weighing in at 217 pounds, Skitzo!
*Panic Switch*
And his opponent. From Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 215 pounds, he is the new WWCF Heatz!!1 Champion, “Champagne” Jay Carroll!
Skitzo advances towards Carroll, who backs up in the corner. The ref stops Skitzo and orders Carroll out of the corner. Carroll and Skitzo go to lock up again, but Skitzo leans out between the ropes. The ref pulls Skitzo back again, and orders Carroll back to the middle of the ring. The two finally lock up, and Carroll applies a side headlock. Skitzo shoots him into the ropes, then drops down as the Heatz!!1 Champion bounces back, leapfrogs him as he comes back again, and finally meets him with a dropkick. Carroll rolls to the outside.
The new Heatz!!1 Champion having a rough time of it in the early going.
Give him time to warm up, Gorilla!
1!
2!
3!
4!
5!
Carroll rolls back in the ring, and the match resumes. The two lockup, and Carroll applies another side headlock. Skitzo shoots him into the ropes. As Carroll bounces back, Skitzo lowers his head for a back body drop, but Carroll stops short and kick’s Skitzo in the face. He follows up by slamming the back of Skitzo’s head on the mat. Carroll runs the ropes, going for an elbow drop, but Skitzo rolls out of the way, causing Carroll to elbow drop the mat. Skitzo sets him up for a suplex, but Carroll slips free and rolls to the outside again.
Great strategy by Jay Carroll, buying some time.
Looks more like stalling to me.
1!
2!
3!
4!
5!
6!
Carroll rolls back in, but as Skitzo moves towards him, he rolls out again.
1!
2!
3!
4!
5!
Carroll rolls back in, but quickly rolls out again.
For someone who talks such a big game, he sure seems reluctant to get very physical tonight.
Well you’d be a little apprehensive too, if you were fighting a guy named Skitzo!
1!
2!
3!
4!
Skitzo rolls to the outside and tackles Carroll. Carroll tries to get away, but Skitzo stays on him. He whips the champion in to the crowd barrier, then into the ring apron, and finally tosses him back in the ring. Skitzo whips Carroll into the corner, and runs at him. Carroll get’s his foot up at the last second. As Skitzo stumbles back, Carroll quickly removes the turnbuckle cover. Skitzo charges again, but Carroll moves. Skitzo hit’s the exposed steel hard. Carroll takes advantage and hit’s the Last Call! Cover!
1!
2!
3!
Here is your winner, “Champagne” Jay Carroll!
Carroll rolls to the outside and grabs his belt. Skitzo argues with the ref, claiming that Carroll cheated, as the Champion makes his way up the ramp.
What a win for the Heatz!!1 Champion Gorrilla!
Actually, I think the real winner of that match was the turnbuckle Carroll used to cheat!
Gorilla, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Nobody remembers the details, just who won and who lost. And I just saw Skitzo lose, and Jay Carroll win!
Well, despite my dislike of his tactics, Jay Carroll certainly did win the match. Folks, that’s all the time we’ve got tonight. For Jesse King, I’m Gorilla Tim Hoss. We’ll see you tomorrow night on NiteRaw!
Match writing credits: The Headbanger Man and Evil M.
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