Welcome to Sunday Night Heatz!!1 I’m Gorilla Tim Hoss and with me, my always colorful color commentator partner, Jesse King!
Gorilla, it’s the final Heatz!!1 before GookerMania II! Can you feel the excitement?!!!
I certainly can, Jess! GookerMania II is shaping up to be an incredible show! We’ll see Above Average and Jazzman for the WWCF World Title, the Retirement match between Seth Drakin and Little Naitch, an I Quit Match between former partners Starshine and Square, and so much more!
Announced last week, the Heatz!!1 Championship will be on the line in a triple threat match, as TTS and Montego Bay AlchoWeight Champion Whitey Fats will both face “Champagne“ Jay Carroll in a unification match for both titles!
That‘s right, and tonight, we‘ll see Whitey take on TTS in singles action! Plus, Money in the Bank Participants will meet in tag team action, as The Resistance battles Headbanger Man and Tyfo!
Cageking will face KCB and in our first match, it‘s a Dollar Store Street Fight, as Hardcore Champion Jonathan Michaels battles Amigo! And Amigo is standing by with some prematch comments.
*Before the match, Amigo is at a dollar store*
You know, I think I know why this clown challenged me to a Dollar Store match. because he's so poor that this is the only way he can afford to bring anything to the party. Well, let's just say that working in some of the biggest promotions in the world and frugality provided me with cash. Lots and lots of it. And here at Hot Carl's Dollar Store, a place known for it's dangerous contents, I'll buy enough crap to supply a Third World militia.
Ladies and gentlemen, let‘s go to Michael Muffer for our opening contest!
Dollar Store Street Fight: Jonathan Michaels V. Amigo
Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is the Dollar Store Hardcore Match.
Testament - Souls of Black
Making his way to the ring, from Tempe, Arizona, weighing in at 208 pounds, John S. Amigo!
Foo Fighters - DOA
And his opponent, from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 235 pounds, he is the WWCF Hardcore Champion, Jonathan Michaels!
The two men start throwing their dollar store plunder into the ring, Jonathan and Amigo get into the ring.
Jonathan grabs a spatula and smacks Amigo repeatedly in the face with it, Amigo picks up a remaindered book and clocks Jonathan in the head.
Jonathan suplexes Amigo onto a pile of off brand potato chips and goes for the cover.
1
Kickout.
Amigo picks up a jump rope and tries to strangle Jonathan, Amigo brings Jonathan down to the mat, but Jonathan grabs a bag of tealight candles and hits Amigo in the head until Amigo finally lets him go.
Amigo gets to his feet and kicks Jonathan until Michaels grabs his foot and applies the Fade To Black, but Amigo manages to roll out, Jonathan grabs two 3-liter bottles of Faygo Cola and bashes Amigo's head between them.
Jonathan stands in the corner and waits for Amigo to stand up, Amigo turns around and Jonathan nails the Fade To Black.
1
2
3
Ladies and Gentlemen, here is your winner, Jonathan Michaels!
Pretty impressive win for our Hardcore Champion, huh Jess?
Not bad, but he’s gonna have to bring more than that with him if he wants to retain that title at GookerMania.
Indeed, he’ll be in for the fight of his life against Evil M.
Up next, KCB takes on Cageking!
Cageking V. KCB
The following contest is set for one fall, with a 15 minute time limit!
*My Way *
Introducing first, from Chicago, Illinois, weighing in at 235 pounds, KCB!
*Cageking enters rapping an original song*
And his opponent, from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 295 pounds, Cageking!
Cageking and KCB tie up and KCB drops Cageking to the mat with a drop toehold. He transitions to a headlock, but Cageking fights him off and both men are back to their feet. They tie up again and this time, Cageking locks on a headlock. KCB backdrop’s his way out of it and goes for the legs, but Cageking kick’s him back and get’s up. The two lock up again and KCB tosses Cageking to the mat. He drops an elbow but Cageking moves and KCB hit’s canvas. He charges Cageking, who catches him with an armdrag. KCB back up and he charges again, right into a back body drop! Cover!
1!
Kickout!
KCB tackle’s Cageking to the mat and hammers him with punches, then a headbutt. He pulls his opponent off the mat and hit’s a suplex. Cover.
1
Kickout.
KCB stomps Cageking, then starts working over the right arm. He drops a knee across the shoulder several times, then applies a armwrench. Cageking yells out, but tries to get to the ropes. KCB struggles to hold him, but Cageking is able to hook the bottom rope with his foot. The ref calls for a break.
“1!”
“2!”
“3!”
“4!”
KCB breaks the hold, but goes right back to the arm. Cageking tries to fight him off, but KCB is persistent, stomping him and at one point, even resorting to biting! KCB weakens the arm some more, then locks in a Fujiwara Armbar! Cageking slaps the mat in pain, but doesn’t give up. Once again, he just barely gets his foot across the bottom rope and the ref demands a break.
“1!”
“2!”
“3!”
“4!”
KCB breaks the hold and argues with the ref. The ref explains about the foot on the rope, but KCB get’s in his face and shoves him! The ref shoves KCB back! KCB swings, but the ref ducks! KCB hit’s air and spins around, right into the Flashing Lights! Cover!
1!
2!
3!
Here is your winner, Cageking!
Cageking rolls to the outside, favoring his right arm.
A win for Cageking, but that arm looked pretty banged up.
It’s the price of being a competitor, Gorilla.
I suppose so, Jess. Up next, it’s a preview of the Money in the Bank on a Pole match, as The Resistance battles Tyfo and The Headbanger Man!
MitB Preview Tag Team Match: Tyfo and Headbanger Man V. The Resistance
The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall.
*New Blackjacks Theme*
Introducing first, from Dallas Texas, weighing in at 245 pounds, Tyfo!
*Wild Child*
And his partner, from Kent, England and weighing 263 pounds, The Headbanger Man!
*Bagpipe music fills the arena, then changes to The Safety Dance as Stryker and Viva appear on stage*
And their opponents, at a total combined weight of 435 pounds, Viva Los Bio Dome and Stryker Dark Silence, The Resistance!
Viva and Headbanger start out. Viva takes Headbanger down, but the Hardcore specialist quickly gets to his feet. Viva hits him with a running clothesline knocking him to the mat, but again, he’s right back to his feet. Stryker tags in and locks up with Headbanger. Headbanger slams him to the mat for a cover, but doesn’t even get a one count. Stryker hiptosses Headbanger to the mat and mounts him for a series of elbows. Headbanger tries to fend them off, but Stryker is relentless. Tyfo comes in and drags Stryker off of his partner. Viva tackles Tyfo and the two brawl as the referee tries to maintain order. Headbanger rolls up Stryker!
1!
2!
Kickout!
Stryker tosses Headbanger into the corner, as Tyfo and Viva continue their fight. Stryker hit’s a Stinger Splash in the corner, then follows up with the Cyclone Cutter! The ref tries to separate Viva and Tyfo, but in the chaos, Viva inadvertently strikes the referee! Stryker has Headbanger pinned as the ref calls for the bell.
Ladies and gentlemen, the referee has disqualified The Resistance. Your winners, Headbanger Man and Tyfo!
Stryker angrily confronts his partner, but Tyfo nails them both from behind. Stryker and Viva fight him off, but Amigo runs out and nails Stryker with a beer bottle! Amigo stomps Stryker, then begins working on Viva. Headbanger Man and Tyfo join the assault, but MiLo Duck runs out to the ring! MiLo makes a beeline for Amigo, but Tyfo and Headbanger cut him off. MiLo lowblow’s Headbanger, and takes out Tyfo with a vicious headbutt! MiLo get’s to Amigo and the two go at it, trading punches as more referees run out to get control of the situation. Headbanger slowly rolls to the outside and heads up the ramp, as Tyfo tries to regain his bearings. Meanwhile, Viva and Stryker argue over the match, oblivious to the mayhem happening around them, as MiLo and Amigo brawl to the outside and through the crowd.
A wild situation tonight Jess!
Just imagine what the Money in the Bank match will be like!
Indeed. Up next is our main event, TTS battles his former partner and rival, Whitey Fats!
Whitey Fats V. TTS
The following contest is the main event of the evening, and it is set for one fall.
*Simply The Best*
Introducing first. From Starke, Florida, weighing in at 280 pounds, he is the Montego Bay AlchoWeight Champion, Whitey Fats!
*God’s Gonna Cut You Down*
And his opponent, from Davie, Florida, weighing in at 290 pounds, TTS!
TTS enters wearing a full black suit, complete with a tie and is carrying a large bag. He stops at the bottom of the ramp and removes the jacket and tie. He goes to enter the ring, but then stops. He reaches into the pocket of the jacket and pulls out some face paint. He paints his face, tribal style, then opens the bag and pulls out…
A chicken?!
….Gorilla, what is going on here?
I have no earthly idea, Jess.
TTS chants in an unknown language, then, at ringside with the entire crowd and home audience watching….
SACRIFICES THE CHICKEN!!!!!
WHAT THE HELL?!!!
…I have no words, Jess.
The audience sits in horrified silence, while Whitey and the referee look on in shock as TTS chants once again then enters the ring. The ref, momentarily stunned, calls for the bell, starting the match. Whitey shakes his head and get’s himself back in the zone.
TTS and Whitey circle each other, then Whitey pounces! TTS evades the blow and begins doing a strange dance.
This is actually happening, right?
….I wanna say yes, but I’m not even sure any more.
Whitey charges at TTS again, but once more, he evades the attack. He starts to go into his dance again, but Whitey clubs him and tosses him in the corner! Whitey charges, but TTS moves causing Whitey to crash into the corner! TTS lays into Whitey with punches and kicks, then begins chanting. Whitey lunges out of the corner and spears TTS to the mat! Cover!
1!
Kickout!
Whitey pulls TTS off the mat and backdrop’s him to the mat. He then climbs to the second rope and leaps off, but TTS rolls out of the way and Whitey crashes to the mat! TTS pulls himself up with the aid of the ropes and stalks out Whitey. As Whitey get’s to his feet, TTS hit’s a running knee lift to the jaw! Whitey goes down and TTS covers him!
1!
Kickout!
TTS hit’s the ropes and drops a leg on his opponent. He then pulls Whitey up for the Pileup, but Whitey counters into a facebuster! Both men down! The ref starts counting!
“1!”
“2!”
“3!”
Whitey rolls towards the ropes, as TTS sits up.
“4!”
“5!”
Jay Carroll appears on the stage, dressed in a suit, the Heatz!!1 Title belt draped over one shoulder and a model on each arm.
What is the Heatz!!1 Champion doing here?!
Heatz!!1 is his show. He’s checking up on the happenings in his kingdom, Gorilla!
“6!”
Both men up! In the center of the ring, they trade punches, as Jay walks down towards the ring.
And now he just wants a closer look.
Whitey whips TTS into the ropes, but TTS ducks the clothesline coming back and hit’s a shoulder block of his own, knocking Whitey through the ropes. TTS distracts the referee. On the outside, Jay hit’s the Hangover on Whitey and rolls him back in! TTS covers him!
1!
2!
3!
Here is your winner, TTS!
He was just watching the match, huh?
Hey, he was just getting revenge after what Whitey said about one of the models earlier!
Jay enters the ring and raises TTS’s hand, but as he turns around, he nails him with the Heatz!!1 Championship belt!
And Jay is obviously looking to gain the upper hand going into GookerMania II.
He’s smart. Take out your opponents before they can take you out.
Jay holds up his title belt, as well as Whitey’s.
Well in any case, we’ll see at GookerMania who will walk out with the Heatz!!1 Championship. For Jesse King, I’m Gorilla Tim Hoss. Goodnight!
Credits: Amigo, Jonathan Michaels and Evil M
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