May 3rd, 2009
(we see TTS and Whitey sitting outside on their truck hoods with their Tag Team titles talking, out comes The Sam tip toeing through the mud. )
The Sam – Hello Gentlemen, sorry I haven’t congratulated you 2 about your title win last week. By the way, congratulations.
So like I said last week, you are one step closer to being in the most prestigious group in WWCF history. But you have one more challenge. Just one more tiny challenge.
TTS – Sure ting, me and Whitey been doin’ da slammin and jamming all da way. We can do anyting dat you set for us mon.
The Sam – Excellent, well here is your final challenge.
(The Sam hands over 2 envelopes to TTS and Whitey respectively. They open the enevelopes and read the instruction to themselves. A look of shock and confusion runs over their faces as they look at The Sam)
The Sam – I hope you 2 do the right thing. Good luck with your title defence tomorrow night boys.
(The Sam walks away as TTS and Whitey look at each other and the Tag Titles)
*Out in the parking lot, “Evil La Parka”, The General of the Monkey Army, and Jonathan Michaels are seated at a table, while referee Will Alphonzo, and Jerry Fish are standing in front of a dumpster, which is filled with various weapons*
Fish: Folks, welcome to the Hardcore Triathlon! I’m your host, Jerry Fish. Tonight, we will see the Hardcore Champion, Evil Masked wordlifeecw compete against the number one contender, The Headbanger Man. Before we bring out our competitors, let’s meet our judges. First, he is a former Hardcore Champion, The General of the Monkey Army! Next, “Evil La Parka”! And, Jonathan Michaels!
Now, let’s meet the competitors!
*We Built This City*
First, he is he number one contender to the WWCF Hardcore Championship, The Headbanger Man!
*Headbanger Man walks over to the dumpster, pulls out a beer bottle, and smashes it over his own head*
*Opening riff of Kane’s original theme, followed by Thunderstruck*
And, his opponent, Evil Masked wordlifeecw!
*EMW walks out, holds up the belt, then drops his arms, causing pyro to shoot up from the dumpster. Fish and Alphonzo jump, while Headbanger Man remains unflinching*
Gentlemen, the first contest is a sack race! But because this is a hardcore triathlon, we need to turn this up a notch!
*Alphonzo reaches into the dumpster, and pulls out 3 sacks. He opens one, and empties it partway into the second sack. We can see that it is full of thumbtacks. He then empties the other half into the third sack*
Now gentlemen, if you will please remove your boots, we can get this started.
*EMW and Headbanger Man take their boots off, and each grab one of the sacks*
On my mark, you may begin. 3.
*Both men place one foot in the sack*
2.
*They place the other foot in*
1.
*They pull the sacks up*
GO!
*Headbanger Man takes off, but EMW stops, and steps out of the sack, before chasing after his opponent. He catches up to him, and dumps the thumbtacks over Headbanger Man’s head, before calming walking to the finish line, getting back in the sack, and hopping across*
The winner of the sack race, Evil Masked wordlifeecw! We’ll be back with the second event in a little bit. For now though, let’s head into the arena for our opening contest, TromboneMan taking on the debuting Relegate Hunters.
TromboneMan V. Relegate Hunters
The following contest is scheduled for one fall.
(In The Mood)
Introducing first, from Melbourne, Austraila and weighing 240 pounds, TROMBONEMAN!
(Smile Like You Mean It)
And making his WWCF debut, from Brighton in England, he weighs in at 190 pounds, RELEGATE HUNTERS!
- As Hunters is posing on the turnbuckles, TromboneMan attacks him. He whips Hunters off the ropes, but he avoids two clothesline attempts, and Hunters hits a headscissors takedown for an early near fall.
- Hunters lands a standing dropkick, and then hits a running senton. He goes to the top rope and tries a missile dropkick, but TromboneMan manages to swat him away. TromboneMan hits a belly to belly suplex for a 2 count, and goes for a quick Fujiwara ambar, however Hunters quickly reaches the ropes.
- TromboneMan eventually releases the hold and chastises the referee. He turns around and is hit by a couple of forearms, but he catches Hunters in a Samoan Drop for another 2 count.
- TromboneMan signals for The C Note, but Hunters hits a low dropkick out of nowhere. Hunters then hits a kick to the head for his own 2 count. Hunters goes for the Sliced Bread #2, but TromboneMan pushes him into the turnbuckles, and hits an avalanche. After mocking the crowd, he tries for the Rusty Trombone, but Hunters rolls away and avoids the contact.
- Hunters recovers and hits a springboard crossbody, but TromboneMan rolls through for another 2 count. TromboneMan goes to the top rope, but as he jumps off, Hunters hits him with the Dentist's Dream facebuster, and gets the pinfall.
HERE IS YOUR WINNER, RELEGATE HUNTERS!
- Hunters celebrates with the fans around ringside after the victory.
*Out in the parking lot, we see Evil Masked wordlifeecw and Headbanger Man preparing for the second event*
Fish: Ladies and gentlemen, it’s now time for the second event of the Hardcore Triathlon, Rope Jumping! But not just any rope. A BARBED WIRE ROPE!!! You will each have 60 seconds to make as many complete jumps as you can. If you trip or stop jumping for any reason, your turn end’s. EMW, you won the first contest, so you can choose whether you want to go first or second.
Let’s see what ‘cha got, ‘Banger Man.
*Headbanger Man takes the rope*
3
2
1
Go!
*Headbanger Man begins jumping, skipping about 7 consecutive times, before tripping*
Seven jumps. Not bad. Wordlifeecw, you’re up.
*EMW takes the rope*
3
2
1
Go!
*wordlifeecw begins jumping, but after 5 jumps, Headbanger Man punches EMW in the face with a fist that's been wrapped in barbed wire*
Five jumps. Well, that means Headbanger Man wins the second event. We’ll be back with the final event, but first, we have Legion taking on Brahma Bull.
Brahma Bull V. Legion
*Mordicai’s theme*
The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, from The Darkness Within You All, weighing in at 253 pounds, Legion!
*Never Gonna Give You Up*
And his opponent, from Glasgow, Scotland, weighing in at 219 pounds, Brahma Bull!
Bull and Legion tie up, and Bull tries to bite Legion. Legion blocks it, and hit’s a clubbing blow to the back of the neck. He follows up with a scoop slam, and a cover for 2. Bull pulls himself off the mat, only to get downed once again by a clothesline. Legion picks Bull up and drops him throat first across the top rope. Another cover, and 2. Legion tosses Bull into the corner, and charges, only for Bull to move. Bull nails a shoulder block, followed by a running knee lift, and a cover, getting a 1 count.
Bull stomps Legion, and goes to the top rope. He comes off with a flying lariat, and get’s another 2-count. Bull runs the ropes, and goes for another lariat, but Legion ducks, and catches Bull on the way back with a big boot. Cover, and 2. Legion pummels Bull some more, and goes for the Fall From Grace, but Bull catches Legion in a small package for a near fall. Angry, Legion slams Bull into the turnbuckle, and follows up with a tree of woe baseball slide. He then locks in the Arms of Morpheus. The ref raise Bull’s arm up, and it drops down. The bell rings.
Here is your winner, Legion!
*In the parking lot, EMW and Headbanger Man are preparing for the final event of the Hardcore Triathlon*
Fish: Gentlemen, it’s time for the final event. Whoever wins this will be declared the winner of the Hardcore Triathlon! Are you ready?
*EMW and Headbanger Man nod*
OK then. Your final event is…a table breaking contest! Your goal is to break as many tables as possible within the 60 second time limit. Good luck to both of you.
3
2
1
GO!
*Headbanger Man set’s the tone for the contest by head butting a table, causing it to shatter. EMW elbow drops a table in half. Headbanger Man tosses a table against the dumpster, breaking it. EMW dives off the top of the dumpster to break a table. This goes on, with both men very creatively destroying the tables. With only one table remaining, the time limit expires*
Fish: Well, it appears we have a tie! Therefore, our judges will select the winner. La Parka, your choice please?
Headbanger Man.
General?
wordlifeecw
Jonathan Michaels, the deciding vote, please?
…
Headbanger Man.
*EMW looks shocked*
Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the Hardcore Triathlon, The Headbanger Man!
*Wordlifeecw looks questioningly at Jonathan Michaels. La Parka suddenly charges at EMW. The two scuffle, while The General, Michaels, and Headbanger Man try to break it up. They finally pull the two apart. The General pulls La Parka to one side, while Jonathan and Headbanger Man get wordlifeecw on the other side.
Then, Headbanger Man suddenly grabs wordlifeecw and powerbomb's him through the remaining table. Michaels checks on wordlifeecw, as Headbanger Man smugly walks away*
Heatz!!1 Champion iViva Los Bio Dome! vs. Metylerca
*Whiplash begins playing and Metylerca makes his way to the ring*
Now coming in at 6'1", 230 pounds, from Los Angelos, Californiaaaa! ... Metylerca!
Metylerca begins warming up in the ring....
*Cult Chaos' theme song begins playing as Viva makes his way to the ring.*
Coming in at 5'11" and 195 pounds, from Hayward, Californiaaaaa! ... The Heatz!!1 champion ... iViva Los Bio Dome!
Viva baseball slides in to the ring, and offers Metylerca a friendly handshake to start the match. Metylerca bites on this friendly gesture, and walks straight in to a clothesline. Viva drops a knee on him to keep him down. Viva taunts the crowd, long enough for metylerca to get up and drop him with a huge big boot. Metylerca sits him up and puts him in a headlock. Viva fights out of it and Metylerca irish whips him off of the ropes. Viva hits him with a Lou Thesz press, and begins a set of punches. Viva gets up and hits Metylerca with a standing frog splash.
Viva climbs to the top rope and tries for a giant leg drop, but Metylerca rolls out of the way. Metylerca picks Viva up and hits him with a DDT. He again picks Viva up and nails him with a vicious lariato!!!
Cult Chaos' music hits, and Stryker, Milo, and TromboneMan all stand on the ramp, staring daggers through Metylerca. Metylerca can't take his eyes off of Cult Chaos, and Viva is standing behind him. Metylerca turns around and walks in to a purple sticky punch. Viva peels him up off of the apron and nails him with the bio dome.
Viva goes for the cover.
1...
2...
3...
Here is your winner, Viva Los Bio Dome!
The crowd is booing mercilessly, and Viva walks out with a smug look on his face. Cult Chaos exit to the back as Sunday Night Heatz!!1 comes to a close.
Match writing credits: Bring Back The Headbangers(The Headbanger Man), Viva Los Bio Dome, and Evil Masked wordlifeecw
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